LeRoi Moore, 1961-2008

“Every day should be a good day to die.”

That’s maybe my favorite Dave Matthews lyric. Not because it’s such a unique sentiment, or because it’s especially poetic, or delivered with any kind of special grace or intensity. It’s none of those. But it is, to a great extent, what I think of as the overarching theme of nearly all the music he has written.

It’s not as innocently hopeful as his more famous (and certainly stolen) “Eat, drink and be merry, for tomorrow we die.” There’s some subtlety in that "should." There’s an acknowledgement that not every day will be.

It’s not as deliberately carpe diem as when he sings “Don’t burn the day away.” It’s a more reflective lyric; the song in which it appears was released on the same album that had him singing, “If I should die before my time.” It’s an older, more reflective lyric.

But it’s still, as I said, the very core of what I love about Dave Matthews. I once reviewed one of his band’s albums for my high school newspaper and made a joking comment about his overuse of the carpe diem trope, but I didn’t mean it in a discouraging way. It was the very hopefulness of the music and lyrics that so spoke to me so many years ago and still makes me a fan today. The lyrics say it but the music makes you feel it. When a song like “You Never Know” is playing and I get caught up in it, that moment is pure joy. When, at the end of that song, Dave sings “Every day should be a good day to die,” it signals not just a hedonistic call to the pleasures of that night, but a deeper commitment you make with yourself to really live every day to its fullest. The moment doesn’t always last, of course.

The last time I saw LeRoi Moore play as part of Dave Matthews Band was last September in San Diego. They played “You Never Know” that night.

It wasn’t just Dave Matthews who made me a fan of Dave Matthews Band. While many people have mocked the unusual line-up (drums, acoustic guitar, bass, violin, and sax) I loved it immediately. I think I really started to love LeRoi when I first saw them play “Lover Lay Down” live. It’s a slow song, not a ballad really, but just a sweet, quiet groove and LeRoi’s saxophone is the highlight. I remember being amazed that he could so easily howl his way through a loud song, and be so beautiful on the quieter ones, as well.

But then, I think every fan loved LeRoi. He wore sunglasses on stage for most concerts because he never quite got over his stage fright. At shows he always seemed quiet, almost passive. But if you watched him up close you could tell he wasn’t bored—he was soaking it in. There were times when watching him was like watching a fan—he was just enjoying the music. Off stage, in interviews and from all accounts I’ve ever heard from those who met him, he was the opposite of his unassuming onstage self. He was funny, kind, had a big laugh. I happened to “meet” Dave Matthews outside a hotel in Chicago once; I shook his hand. But I would have hugged LeRoi. I’m pretty sure he would have been used to that kind of greeting, even from a grown man, and that he would have returned it.

I’ve been a fan for a long time, and I’ve been through all the rumors and crazy stories. Like Dave is gay. Or has AIDS. Or both. One that seemed to recur a lot was that LeRoi had died in a car accident. Maybe because of that it was especially cruel to learn earlier this summer that he was in an ATV accident and badly injured. The good news was that he seemed to be doing well. The band’s tour continued. It wasn’t the same without Roi, but all indications were that Roi would be back as soon as he could. I had even started imagining the great reception he would get at, say, the first 2009 show when he returned.

Given all that, today’s news was an absolute punch in the gut. I literally did not believe it. Not until the news came up on the official site, and then on the front page of CNN, and everywhere else. Now that I know it's true I still don't believe it. I want to fall asleep and wake up from this bad dream.

And maybe it’s silly. I know people who think that it’s silly to be sad about the death of a celebrity. But (even though I ultimately disagree with that) the point is that Roi was more than a celebrity. I’ve seen DMB live … well, a lot. I listen to them … a lot. He’s part of my life almost every day in that way. I don’t know what to say. He’s someone I never met, but I miss him.

My thoughts are with his family and with all members of the DMB family. Rest in peace, Roi.

“Every fire dies
All fall
I find it hard to explain”