I just got an email from one of the higher-up-type people at work talking about our goals as a company and as a department. It included these following choice turns of phrase: “this is a good map of our strategy for victory,” “continue our quest,” and “keep your teams focused on our mission!” Now, if you’re wondering, I don’t work at the Pentagon. I’m not fighting any way here from my little desk. I’m collecting money back on behalf of an insurance company. On my cheerier days I attempt to convince myself there’s some good in making sure companies don’t turn out crappy products without consequences, but even that’s a stretch. I have a desk job. In insurance.

This particular email I quoted from above didn’t go so far as to actually use the word “war” or any other synonyms. But I’ve heard that word used before by certain superiors of mine, and the email above is certainly reminiscent of that for me.

Does anyone else remember right after 9/11 when there was a lot of talk about a societal shift and the end of irony and a bunch of other stuff that we knew was pretty much BS even then? Well, one thing I really hoped would be true is that we might start using language appropriately again. I hate it when someone describes a football team’s conference before a draft as a “war room” or talks about football with terms that are supposed to relate to the military. Or, for that matter, when my boss tries to equate my desk job with some kind of covert mission.

It’s not so much that I’m offended because I think it does a disservice to every soldier risking their life everyday (though I think it does and I am offended a little bit for that reason). Mostly I’m just offended on behalf of the language. I think words should mean what they mean and while I support the idea that using words in unique ways can be a powerful rhetorical device, this doesn’t apply. For one thing, it’s not unique anymore. The language of war is everywhere and that’s the problem. It’s lost its power now.

With my apologies to the family of the AFL player who was killed last weekend, football is not a war. Coaches are not generals. My job is not a quest or a mission. It’s a job. I have goals. I will work to meet them. Maybe I’ll delay in calling someone back from time to time as a bargaining tactic. That’s fine. But I am not “letting them bleed.”

I’m sure I’m guilty of this, too, in the same way I’m sure I like say “like” more than I wish I did even though I like hate that. Being hypocritical is the cost of being a critic sometimes. Anyway, it annoys me. I understand that languages change and meanings drift and even grammar can be redefined – I’d much rather have a continually evolving English than end up with a council like French has that actually makes rules about what words can be used in print. But admitting that language is somewhat fluid shouldn’t be a license for abuse. Words have to mean what they mean. OK, that's it.

/rant